These are dark days for me. After I post this I’m going to look for a new job. Because I walked out on mine. The job market is complete shit. But what isn’t anymmore? So… I jumped ship again. It’s getting harder to find a place I fit into in this world. Working towards becoming something more will shine through in your day to day actions. “They” want to push you back down. “They” want to hold you back. You’ll be seen as a threat. Even if you don’t want to be.
I decided to quit my job Saturday. Tension had been building. I was told to do something I will never do. It was a degrading task. I refused. I was met with arguments against my stance. One of my equals asked me what the “big deal” was. I didn’t explain myself.
“Big deal? It’s not a big deal. I’m just not going to do it.”
“You need to step up man. Everyone else around here does their part for the team.”
“Why is it you’re not jumping at the chance then? It’s not too late to volunteer.”
I couldn’t go through with letting people below my level lead me. A few things brought me to this. One specific action led to losing any and all respect I could ever have for these people. Last week I had made myself a target by showing these people a part of my life. They met my wife. After, I dealt with childish attitudes and tantrums. I watched them try to explain how I could attract a girl like her to each other. Between sets of cold shoulders they watched my every move waiting for me to fuck up. They told on me everyday. I was told to step up followed by threats of being replaced. I knew I’d be losing the job as soon as they found someone that would make a better pet. I had made too many enemies. My boss confronted me everyday last week about my performance. It came out of nowhere and wasn’t a valid accusation.
Then came the ridiculous demand. Once I refused, tensions became an all time high. It’s nothing new to walk around a corner to find a huddle of people talking shit about me. This was something I hadn’t seen… They grew balls. They were openly calling me “a piece of shit” no more than 20 ft. away from me. I called them out. They backed off and pretended that they were talking about someone else.
The only reason I was asked to do the task that is too embarrassing to describe was the fact that they had painted a target on my back. Once their initial attacks did nothing to sway me they changed their tactics. They wanted me to quit. But they wanted me to do so on their terms. I realized what was going on miles before we got to this point. I realized that they needed me this weekend. They didn’t realize that their need for me was greater than my need for them.
They didn’t think I’d drop them in a pile of their own shit moments before one of the biggest days of the year.
I stewed. I feigned compliance. They confused my smile for sincerity. As hands were dealt I drew aces.
I asked them if my decision had created more tension. I was pretending to bluff. I pretended to be scared for my job.
“So, everyone’s mad at me now? Because I won’t do this one thing that doesn’t even fall into my job description?”
My boss was the first to reply.
“Well, I can’t make you do that. But I can remember that shit.”
His right hand man chimed in with a giggle and “OOOOH!”
I met this with eye contact and a smirk. I placed my finger to my lips.
He looked away and resumed his role as observer and pet. He looked to his master. His master walked around aimlessly for a moment. I was looking for them to place more bets. He paced back and forth and I spoke up once more.
“So, is that a threat or are you joking? I didn’t think this would be an issue. Honestly, I thought you were joking when I was asked to do it. That’s how ridiculous the whole thing is.”
He avoided eye contact and looked at our schedule posted on the wall. He let out a chuckle and followed with a sarcastic, “Nah, I’m just kidding.”
He took his pet outside and another guy showed up for his shift. He’s actually an alright dude. Lazy as fuck. But he minds his own business and as long as he doesn’t have to work he’s in a really good mood. I helped him get started and answered a few “how to” questions he had. I helped him, but I was just keeping busy until the boss man showed his face again.
“Man, I’ll help you get started because I know they’re dicks and won’t. But I’m about to walk out, so if I look or sound like I don’t give a shit it’s not you. It’s me. Well, it’s actually them.”
He asked why and didn’t understand after I explained a bit of the situation. I made a last attempt at shedding some light on the subject.
“I’m not going to let a job that doesn’t pay very well dictate who I am or what I do. I drew a line when they took a stab at my integrity. If that was the end of the attack we wouldn’t be having this conversation. I’m not going to deal with belly-aching cry baby cowards day in and day out. This isn’t the only shitty job out there.”
He looked very surprised still.
The boss returned and I pondered on the decision once again. I felt a bit insecure about the whole thing. The 48 Laws of Power came to mind. I realized I was afraid of what was to come. I gave it a moment to set in. It filled every ounce of me. I asked myself what I was afraid of. I couldn’t come up with a good answer. I asked myself where I saw this job taking me. I couldn’t come up with anything good enough to sway me from leaving. I looked back on the last few weeks. I looked at the aces in my hand. I told myself I don’t have a job planned out. I also told myself there is money in the bank and I’d find a job within a week or two.
I stopped what I was doing and clapped my hands together.
“You have some time to go into another room and talk?”
He looked worried.
“I can’t do this anymore. Every day I come in there is tension. I don’t feel inspired to do well, and that hurts both of us. There’s too much drama for how much money I make. I enjoy the work and I enjoy learning. I’ve made every effort to seize the opportunities available here. I don’t see it going anywhere.”
I prepared for a verbal assault. It didn’t come. He just looked surprised and said, “If that’s how you feel…”
I cut him off. “It is. I’m not left with much choice. Thanks for being cool about it. I’m out.”
I walked to the time clock and punched out. I said “Later” to a few haters. I walked out the door and didn’t look back. I started my car and blasted my favorite Immortal song. As I drove out of the parking lot I rolled my window down and stuck my fist into the wind. I couldn’t help myself.
I shouted out “WOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” and began singing along.
It’s very hard to find a job that encourages you to grow. Most people don’t want to be better people. They want you to be shit. When you’re not you will stand out. Unless you’re in a position of authority you won’t last long. Don’t let that control you. Don’t play their games.
Don’t let fear hold you back from where you want to be.