RUINER. Another band I wasn’t fortunate enough to see live before they broke up. They rose faster than most bands. I bet you’ve never even heard of them. I choose most songs I post for a reason, however I really took my time with this one. Another song of theirs gave me the title for this post. Most bands just play something that sounds good. These guys really meant it, and you can tell.
There is a difference. If you’ve ever played in front of 500 people one night just to play for 8 the next you’ll understand. Give it all you’ve got, no matter what, and I’ll care about your band.
I worked really hard today. As I type, my hands are black. I’ve been bleeding from more than a few fingers since I clocked in. I loved it. I loved today even more later on. At lunch I noticed an old boss of mine had texted me. He asked if I wanted a job. Thank fucking christ. My job isn’t stimulating in the least. I got lucky this morning and actually got to work. Most days I just walk around looking for something to do. Some people may enjoy that. I don’t. Especially since I’ve been doing my workouts in the morning. It’s made me hungry. I’ll be making the same amount of money. I already know everyone I’ll be working with. I also won’t be dealing with IQs lower than 7.
I ask for no redemption. This is the world I want to live in. Part of me wishes I could have lived 800 years ago. Part of me realizes I’m better off living today. There’s no part of me that wants to bleed. Until I see the red run. It’s come to the point where I don’t believe I’m living unless I can see my life in front of me. I’ve pushed myself to the edge more times than I can count. I’ve felt adrenaline take over my body to the point I ache for it to happen all of the time.
I love for my knuckles to crack. I love to see my fingers torn and scabbed. I love my calloused hands. I’ve had more than a few people point them out and ask what I do for a living. I chase paper. I work. I walk down a rocky road. I fucking live for a living.
I just truly live. I don’t always mean every breath. I mean it as much as I end up meaning it. I intend to cherish every breath. But I don’t. We’re only here as long as the “world” wants us.
I don’t want to feel pain. Hell, I don’t want to pay bills. But I’m not here to do everything I want. I don’t believe in god, but I don’t feel like I’m just here to just get by. I believe in a higher purpose than just dragging my feet. I believe I’m here for a reason. Ask me enough questions about that and I won’t be able to answer them. I don’t need to explain where we came from. I don’t need redemption. I just need enough breath to take my next.
I just need a hill to climb.
My posts have changed a lot about my path. I look back on them occasionally. Some posts make me shake my head. Some of you like those posts specifically. If it wasn’t for that I’d tear them down.
It’s been a strange journey. I look back at the kid I once was. It’s all hard to believe. I’ve done a lot of things I said I’d never do. I’ve seen things change that I swore would stay the same. We don’t control this path. It doesn’t control us. You can walk, run, skip, or just sit around and wait for something to happen. There is no right or wrong. It’s all an opinion. It’s all about where you want to be and being honest about it. At this point I’m telling you shit you already know.
It’s all piss in the wind if you let it be. It’s also gold if you take the time to find it. But what is gold? It doesn’t matter who, what, or where I am. You’re here for you.
I don’t plan on dying young. I just don’t want to grow old. I don’t want money. I don’t want fame. I want to feel alive.
I like this band a ton. They stop through here more than once a year. It’s always a hoot and a holler.
Why the fuck are you still reading? GO LIVE!!